One of the most important lessons we learnt from our grievous financial scam was that of mindfulness. As the events of that fateful day unfolded, we were simply mindless! Rather, we should have been far more mindful of our feelings and thoughts – and the loss we succumbed to may never have happened.
Since then, we have learnt far more about mindfulness and we will share some of that information here, including a most helpful tool.
Mindfulness is a present-centred, non-judging awareness.
Decades of science and clinical research has shown that mindfulness practices can dramatically and positively impact our physical health, emotional resilience, mental clarity and enjoyment of life. (Tara Brach)
The first step in mindfulness is pausing to become present. We live in a stressful time. For many of us in the midst of all the demands of our lives in the fast pace of our culture, we can easily lose connection to ourselves and to what matters most.
Mindfulness is paying attention to what is happening inside and outside you in the present moment. This begins with something that is incredibly simple, a pause. Imagine being in a movie theatre immersed in a fast-paced thriller. Suddenly, the screen freezes. No longer swept away in the action, you become aware of where you are, the people around you; aware of the pulsing tension in your body, of what you’re thinking and feeling. You are in the midst of a pause.
Learning to pause in the midst of your life brings you back to what’s actually happening. You’re not caught up in the movie, and in that space, you can see more clearly what you are thinking and feeling and what is going on around you.
With mindfulness, it’s possible to pause, breathe and find a space of more clarity and empathy. You can then remember what’s really important and respond in a wise, kind, and balanced way. The pause frees you from repeating old patterns that no longer serve your well-being. (Jack Kornfield)
(Source: Based on Tara Brach and Jack Kornfield. “The 40-Day Mindfulness Daily Program”.)
A Mindfulness Tool: R.A.I.N.
The times when we’re most caught in reactivity are the times we’re least inclined to call on mindfulness. Yet, without mindfulness, we run the risk of reacting and creating more conflict, misunderstanding, and harm.
The following is a mindfulness tool that offers support for working with difficult emotions in any situation. It is an acronym called R.A.I.N., and it will direct our attention in a clear, systematic way that helps cut through confusion and stress. The four steps are as follows:
(1) R is to recognise what is happening.
(2) A is to allow life to be just as it is.
(3) I is to investigate our experience with a gentle attention.
(4) N is to nurture with kindness.
Recognise What Is Happening
“Recognize” means noticing whatever thoughts, emotions, or sensations are arising right here and now. Often, the question, “What is happening inside me right now?” helps focus our attention in an immediate way.
Allow Life to Be Just as It Is
“Allowing” means letting be the thoughts, emotions, or sensations we discover, so even when the last thing we want is to feel the rawness of fear or helplessness, just having the intention to allow or let be helps us to pause and be present. Now, for some, mentally whispering a phrase deepens the pause. It could be whispering “yes” or “this too.” These are words that encourage us to give space to what’s going on, so this is the allowing.
Investigate our Experience with a Gentle Attention
“Investigate with gentleness” means that when an emotion is strong, we deepen mindfulness by bringing a curious, respectful attention to what’s happening. Investigating is not a mental activity. We’re not analysing why we’re behaving in a certain way. Rather, investigating means inquiring, asking where the feelings are in our body and directly contacting the felt sense of our experience. While it may help us discover a limiting belief, investigating primarily focuses on where we currently feel stuck or vulnerable, and what that part of us is most needing.
Nurture with Kindness
“Nurture with kindness” allows us to respond to what the vulnerable or stuck part of ourselves needs. Often, the unmet need is for acceptance, care, compassion, forgiveness, or understanding, and when we offer some flavour of care inwardly, that allows us to reconnect with our resourcefulness and move on. With nurturing with kindness, you might send a message of kindness or forgiveness or understanding inwardly.
Just as after a rain, the natural world blossoms, so it is that after you do the steps of R.A.I.N., there’s an inner opening – a healing, a realization. When you’ve completed the steps, it’s essential to pause and simply rest in what you’re experiencing. When R.A.I.N. is done fully, the story of self can be washed away, leaving a sense of aliveness, immediacy, creativity, and freedom. Even when R.A.I.N. is incomplete, you still will notice a shift with less of a sense of a stuck self.
R.A.I.N. is a useful strategy for slowing down and systematically bringing mindfulness and kindness to difficult emotions. You can do this on the spot in response to a challenging situation, or you can practice R.A.I.N. as applied mindfulness during a meditation.
As you allow yourself to receive this kind presence, you might then simply rest in the aftermath of R.A.I.N., the freedom of not being identified with the emotional pain. You’re resting more in your natural, compassionate awareness. After the steps of R.A.I.N., there’s nothing to do. Just relax, just rest in the sense of openheartedness and presence, and know this natural awareness as the innermost truth of what you are.
(Source: Tara Brach and Jack Kornfield. Mindfulness Daily Program: “Resilience, Healing and Inner Freedom — Emotional Healing, Day 24)
In summary, and in relation to our financial scam loss, we have learnt to especially be mindful of our thoughts – which can lead to positive or negative feelings and actions.
A negative situation, such as suffering from a scam, can change simply by mindfully changing our perspective about it. “The suffering of beings is mainly produced by the mind. I must free myself from my self-created bonds.” (Yongey Mingyur Rinpoche)
We need to be mindfully aware of any faulty perception of a situation, which may well lead us astray and cause suffering.
Below is a selection of six quotations which can be meaningfully applied in our lives through mindfulness of situations, people, thoughts, and emotions:
- Positive thoughts are more powerful than negative ones and you can choose which you pay attention to. (Paul Foreman)
- Life is the movie you see through your own, unique eyes. It makes little difference what’s happening out there. It’s how you take it that counts. (Denis Waitley, The Winner’s Edge)
- We are what we think. All that we are arises with our thoughts. With our thoughts we make the world. Speak or act with a pure mind and happiness will follow you as your shadow, unshakeable. (The Dhammapada)
- A loving person lives in a loving world. A hostile person lives in a hostile world. Everyone you meet is your mirror. (Ken Keyes, Jr., Handbook to Higher Consciousness)
- Life has a bright side and a dark side, for the world of relativity is composed of light and shadows. If you permit your thoughts to dwell on evil, you yourself will become ugly. Look only for the good in everything, that you absorb the quality of beauty. (Paramahansa Yogananda, Sayings of Paramahansa Yogananda)
- “Your life is a reflection of your thoughts. If you change your thinking, you change your life.” (Brian Tracy)
May we all daily remain mindful and thereby live meaningful and virtuous lives, and not fall prey to unwholesome and non-virtuous behaviour. Amen – May it be so!
Alexander and Eva Peck